ROOM  SERVICE

The following is an apparently genuine telephone conversation between hotel's room service (RS) and a guest (G) "somewhere in Asia".  It was recorded (presumably "for training purposes") and is said to have been published in the Far East Economic Review.

RS:

Morny.  Ruin sorbees.

G:

Sorry, I thought I dialed room service.

RS:

Rye . . . ruin sorbees . . . morny!  Djewish to odor sunteen ?

G:

Uh . . . yes . . . I'd like some bacon and eggs.

RS:

Ow July den ?

G:

What ?

RS:

Ow July den . . . pry, boy, pooch ?

G:

Oh, the eggs!  How do I like them?  Sorry, scrambled please.

RS:

Ow July dee bayhcem . . . crease ?

G:

Crisp will be fine.

RS:

Hokay.  An San tos ?

G:

What ?

RS:

San tos.  July San tos ?

G:

I don't think so.

RS:

No ?  Judo one toes ?

G:

I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what "judo one toes" means.

RS:

Toes!  Toes!!  Why djew Don Juan toes ?  Ow bow singlish mopping we bother ?"

G:

English muffin!!  I've got it!  You were saying "Toast".  Fine.  Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS:

We bother ?

G:

No . . . just put the bother on the side.

RS:

Wad ?

G:

I mean butter . . . just put it on the side.

RS:

Copy ?

G:

Sorry ?

RS:

Copy . . . tee . . . mill ?"

G:

Yes.  Coffee please, and that's all.

RS:

One Minnie.  Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy . . . rye ?

G:

Whatever you say.

RS:

Tendjewberrymud.

G:

You're welcome.