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TRUST ME, I'M A DOCTOR |
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Doctors' notes found on their patients' hospital charts . . . |
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She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. |
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Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. |
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On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. |
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The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. |
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The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. |
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Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. |
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Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. |
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The patient refused autopsy. |
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The patient has no previous history of suicides. |
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Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. |
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Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. |
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Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. |
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She is numb from her toes down. |
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While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. |
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The skin was moist and dry. |
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Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. |
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Patient was alert and unresponsive. |
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Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. |
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She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. |
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I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. |
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Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. |
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Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. |
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The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. |
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The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. |
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Skin: somewhat pale but present. |
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The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. |
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Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. |
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Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. |
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Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. |
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